Out of all the things that I thought I might have trouble with at school, words was not one of them. But then I have a day with the same words that aren’t the same words and my brain seizes them and says: “Yay! Words! Let’s overthink them!” and a field day ensues because what has been said out loud is only half of it. I really need to get that fixed, but in the meantime, try these four on for size:
Boss 1: Where are you going?
Brain: Huh? The stairs? Wait, was I in trouble? Did she think I was going someplace I shouldn’t? I was just walking down the stairs. IT’S JUST STAIRS. Maybe I go sneak off and sit in a corner and text? Wait, maybe it was small talk. Dang, I hate small talk. Sound convincing.
Me: My office?
Coworker: Where are you going?
Brain: Context. Context. Does my life have to be interesting all the time? If I say “nowhere” am I boring? Or is that sarcasm? Context. What were we talking about? I don’t remember. ABORT! Talk about something safe!
Me: I intend to do nothing but sleep.
Boss 2: Where are you going?
Brain: Say you aren’t, because you aren’t.
Brain: But if I say I’m not, will I have to work instead? Will they ask for extra? Must. Do. Laundry.
Brain: Say you are, even if you aren’t. Gone, not doing laundry. Laundry is a lame excuse.
Brain: But where?
Brain: Just be occupied somewhere with something! Interesting! Someone? Just don’t say homework or laundry.
Me: A homework meeting? And then I have to do laundry. And…stuff.
Student: Where are you going?
Brain: I don’t even remember. Just somewhere. Do I have to tell you? I’m going to be a hermit and climb my small mountain of homework and read alone for hours and hours and enjoy it. Let’s not say that. Be vague. And occupied.
*Bonus Question: Can I come with?
Brain: Say no. You won’t get anything done. You will talk all the times because you like this person and haven’t seen them today. She will talk all the times because she does. Say no. Be bold!
[disclaimer: yes, most of them have to do with the 5-car pileup between an introvert and an expectation. Such is life.]
And at the bottom of it all are things like this that keep me sane.
Lady: Where are you going?
Brain: Homework. Somewhere. Laundry. Probably. Sleep. Please. Silence. Yes. Food. Again. Homework. Always.
Me: I don’t know.
Maybe missing you and your own version of sanity,